Meals on Wheels Ladies are Doing It… the Zest for Vests

I've been kept awake for too many nights now, tossing and turning in my Peter Alexander pyjamas, and I have to ask the question...when did we become so risk-adverse that we allowed high-visibility vests to become part of our daily fashion? It seems no one leaves home these days without adorning themselves in these hideous luminosities.

Once upon a time, these garments were the necessary attire reserved for people working in high risk areas such as  building construction sites, atop skyscrapers, drilling deep holes in the road, crossing raging rivers, railway yards with large locomotives and racing to the scene of an accident. Now however, it seems that every man and his dog are wearing them… and chickens too!  Forget ‘Why did the chicken cross the road?’ now it’s ‘when a chicken crosses the road, be sure to dress him in a ridiculous high- viz vest”

 Are we such an accident prone nation that leaving home without glowing is just not an option anymore?These ugly, shapeless and over-represented garments have stealthily worked their way into the very heart of our community… we have become a high visibility culture.

It’s disappointing that in recent years even the Boys in Blue (or khaki) have dropped their dress standards. Now the hot young cop that directs you into the RBT station has taken on the appearance of an upright squid jig with a gun.

At footy and netball, appointed stewards can be found prancing around the grounds, directing the crowd and giving orders, bolstered by their vests. Council workers grab you eye like a line of Bollywood dancers as you drive down the street, surrounded by witches hats, that were once considered bright but now dull in comparison.

On a recent visit to Adelaide I was helped into my taxi by a cabby wearing a fluorescent vest, protecting himself no doubt, from an hysterical crowd of holiday makers or a stack of runaway luggage trolleys.

 

This week, I nearly had a small accident myself while driving home from my very safe office job. I took my eyes off the road for just a second, no make that several seconds, distracted by a sight that I can only describe as absurd. Imagine my surprise when two of our lovely local Meals on Wheels Ladies, carrying their baskets full of warm goodies, stepped out of their vehicle wearing…. you guessed it…. high visibility vests! Please... explain to me... what perilous situation could threaten and put in mortal danger the lives of these community icons to such a degree that they have to wear retina-searing fluorescent! Were they expecting space debris to fall on their heads?

What’s next? Is it just a matter of time before Bikies have to wear high viz vests and use fluro flags? Good luck with that one… What about Undertakers? Should they be wearing them? … After all, it’s a job that involves high emotion and a deep holes.

Now it seems the ever-present risks have entered our city buildings, the lady at the target entrance and now cleaners everywhere are wearing hi-viz attire. Why would they do this? What’s going to happen? Why don’t I know of the impending doom that lurks in every corridor, waiting area and shop entrance?  

I can understand the need for cyclists who use the roads wearing high-visibility vests, they’re already wearing lycra, so there’s really not any more damage they can do to their sense of style, but at least it alerts others to their presence.

The burning questions that keep me awake are:  where will it end? When will we get to the point that so many people, animals, buildings are draped in neon that everyone looks the same? When will Doctor Who have to wear one…?  

Superman is that really you?